Why Aren’t They Coming Anymore?
Unity not Competition
Written by Brittany Koleba
Our chat was lovely. We had even ended it with a hug. But when I got into the car, all I could think was, “I wonder why they hardly come to church anymore?” My husband had been the new pastor for about three months now. My thoughts were consumed by whether people liked us or not. I felt so much pressure for our church to thrive and grow. My most recent interaction was no different. I had left the conversation thinking only of myself and wondering what it was about me and my husband that had repelled this woman and her family from our church.
Sitting in my car, mulling over the conversation, I was puzzled. What could have we done wrong? Amid my spiraling, a new thought filled my mind, ”It’s not about you.” Okay, it’s not about me. It felt harsh for a moment, but mostly I felt relief and freedom. When I make things about me, looking at myself, it inevitably leaves me feeling heavy and hopeless. Alternatively, when I set my eyes on Jesus, the one who it is all about, the one who is at work, the one who is able, thoughts of myself fade away (Heb. 12:2). With a new perspective, eyes fixed on Jesus, I could simply long for this woman to know Jesus more. I even have the freedom to pray, “Please help them to find a church where they can grow, connect and flourish in you.”
When I forget that this work is about Jesus I narrow the church down to “my church” instead of recognizing the beauty and diversity of the universal church, the body of Christ (Col. 1:18-20). I also narrow the concern down to a selfish one, “Is she going to our church?”
Pastors can feel threatened by other churches in their community, and instead of finding encouragement in one another, they see a competitor. This is not to blame pastors but to point out that the culture around church has become one of consumption and competition. A pastor can often feel like their church is something to “sell” and that the congregants are “buyers” (Ferguson & Packard, 2022). This mentality leads to competition amongst churches because if a “buyer” sees something they like better at another church then perhaps they will go wherever pleases them most. It also encourages pastors to measure growth from a capitalist mindset, celebrating growth in numbers instead of spiritual growth. Numbers are easy to measure but hearts are not.
Shifting perspective in this scenario is powerful. Instead of seeing other pastors as competitors, they can be seen as partners. This shift changes the question and concern. The question is no longer, “Why don’t they come to our church anymore?” Instead, for the sake of the other and for Jesus, the new question is, “Where are they connecting and growing in Christ?” This second question breeds unity within the larger church community and is the prayer of Jesus, that “they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you sent me” (John 17:21, ESV).
Feeling the pressure of church growth is all too common for the local pastor. When people ask how church is going we naturally think of numerical growth as the highest form of impact. Seeing other pastors from the competitor perspective often ends in comparison, fostering low self-esteem and harsh judgment of others (Bloom, 2019). However, a partnership perspective has the potential to foster humility, combat isolation, and display God’s heart for unity.
Finally, pastors find great encouragement in remembering that they are partners with God in his redemptive work. This includes trusting God in the midst of ministry, and acknowledging that only God sees and knows the big picture (Proeschold-Bell & Byassee, 2018). Measuring success for a pastor from a secular lens or by the amount of praise is tempting, but an authentic partnership with God is what matters. Take the time to reflect on what God is doing in the hearts of those in your congregation. Look beyond your church and ponder if there are other pastors in your community that you could partner with instead of compete against.
Brittany passionately believes that no one is meant to walk alone. She cares deeply about connection and considers it a privilege to walk alongside others. Together with her husband, Jeremy, she has lived a life of ministry for the last 20 years as he pastors a local church. Brittany’s beautiful and sometimes crazy days are filled with mom life, ministry and studying towards a Masters of Marriage and Family Therapy. Brittany enjoys thrifting, pottery and a good patio on a sunny day with friends.